Brangelina: Inglorious Bastards

Posted by Lady Mel On Tuesday, October 13, 2009 0 comments

I followed the most recognizable Hollywood couple ever during their 10-day world tour. I was chased by hungry looking white tigers in Thailand. I rode tall Asian elephants across the Himalayas Mountains in 110 degree weather. All for an one-hour interview. Do you think it is worth it? I do! I'm a part-time freelance writer and this is my big break! I asked the very tough questions !! Oh what joy! ^.^  You can catch my whole interview in next Friday's Entertainment Weekly issue. Of course, people are going to find this on the Internet. So for the people out there, copy and paste this to everyone!

Bright, misty day in Brangelina's beautiful Prague apartment. I have never seen such golden, celestial light surround two people in my entire life. Guess the rumors are true. I was a bit frightened.

Lady Mel: Thank you for this wonderful opportunity. How are you two today?

Angelina: I am doing quite good today (looks at Brad slyly) I've managed to get the kids to sleep. We have been up all night. Yesterday was a very busy day.

Brad: Yeah, it took us like five hours to get them to sleep. They are hyperactive, inquisitive little creatures that need attention almost every second of the day. It's quite astounding.

Lady Mel: I saw Shiloh's tomboyish attire in a recent photo. Will she become a tomboy when she goes up?

Angelina: I don't know. Like who cares? If she wants to wear pink little dresses for the rest of her life, so be it. If she wants to wear sweats and a T-shirt and call it a day, I don't care. It's her decision. I let her be a fashion lunatic.

LadyMel: Brad, you have millions of fans across the world. You get paid millions to do Japanese commercials. Do you think of yourself as a pretty boy or a serious "Hollywood" actor?

Brad: (puzzled). I consider myself a serious actor. When I make movies, I put my heart and soul into each role. I may not get recognized for such roles, but it is the humility and determination that counts.

LadyMel: Then, why do you suck in almost everyone of your movies? The only ones that I like you in are Legends of the Fall, Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I seriously don't know why you are so famous.

Brad: (in a strong voice) Correction. I think that is your opinion. All my fans love my movies. Where have you been in the past 20 years?

LadyMel: Watching good movies. Maybe you are famous because of your highly-publicized string of Hollywood romances with Gwendolyn Paltrow, Jennifer Aniston, and now Angelina Jolie. (Brad chuckles). Speaking of which, how's Jennifer these days? I heard you guys are still friends even after your messy divorce.

Brad: (Angelina stares at Brad quite rudely) Jennifer is still one of my good friends. She is out there making movies, you know doing what she loves best. I support her 100%.

LadyMel: Uhm, but her movies suck big time.

Brad: But, it is always a matter of opinion. She has done a great service in Hollywood. That is why I appreciate her hard work in this industry.We have a special, congenial bond between one another and I would never abadoned her just because we are no longer married.......

Angelina: (Interrupts) But now, he has built a family with me and I could not never be more happier. (Changes subject) What is that around your neck, LadyMel?

LadyMel: Oh, do you like it? It's a gold necklace. (Opens necklace) My younger sister gave it to me about six months ago. Inside is a picture of my youngest niece Prue.  (Angelina and Brad bend over to look at picture. Angelina smirks. I grabbed necklace). Oh, No, No, No! Don't even think about Missy!

Angelina: Think about what? I think she's beautiful. (Wide smile). Don't you think Brad?

Brad: Yup, she kinda looked like Vivenne when she was around six months old.

Angelina: How much you want for her? How can I get in contact with your sister?

LadyMel: (angrily) She is not for sale! She is a human being for Christ's sake, not one of your Hollywood trends! (calms down) I think we need a break here. May I use your bathroom?

Angelina: (Puzzled and confused look on face). I'm deeply sorry. I did not know what came over me.

Brad: Absolutely. I think we all need a  five minute break. The bathroom is the second door to your right.

LadyMel: Thank.. you.. (runs to bathroom quite quickly to the hallway)

Brad: See what you have done, Angie. No more kids! We already have six. No wonder the tabloids think we are crazy. I should have chained you to the bed post.....