Masterpiece Theatre: Bounty Hunter

Posted by Lady Mel On Sunday, February 28, 2010 1 comments

I am still flabbergasted that Jennifer Aniston gets paid millions and millions of dollars for starring and producing the same, repetitive girl-next-door movies. Do not get me wrong. I bet Aniston is a very nice and generous person in real life. But I do not see the talent. Luckily, Scottish heartthrob and actor Gerard Butler signed on to do this Bounty Hunter movie with her coming out March 16th 19th nationwide or I would not even bothered writing this movie critique in the first place.

In the movie, Gerard Butler plays a bounty hunter who must find and arrest his ex-wife (played by Aniston) after witnessing a murder and skipping bail. I know Gerry is going to play his goofy, sexy side, but what about Aniston? Aniston does not come across as a natural funny person, even when I see her on the old Friends episodes. But with Gerard Butler around, I think he will help her out in that department.

Plus, I know that old feelings will resurface between their two characters, so watch out for the sexual chemistry! I predict that this movie is going to make between $30-50 million dollars its opening weekend. Butler has a very strong Internet fan-base and where Gerry goes, the fans and haters will soon to follow. So, if you want some laughs and sexy situations, go watch this movie this March!

The Return: Shoutouts and Important Announcements

Posted by Lady Mel On Saturday, February 27, 2010 0 comments

Woot! It is good to be back on this blog. I enjoyed my so-called two-week blogging vacation. Now I am here to get back to business. I have so much content and ideas to share with you this upcoming week, it's unbearable! Lets begin:

1.  I want to give another shout out to Andhari for hosting my "Tweetbag Wars" post on her blog. I received  four new followers! Welcome! Make yourself feel at home here. You will not be disappointed and while you are at it, check out my previous blog posts from last year. They will give you a clue to what I blog about on this blog and my writing style. If you have any new ideas or topics you want me to discuss, feel free to email me  or leave a comment a comment. To all my current followers, welcome these newbies with open arms! Feel free to check out each other blogs or websites and socialize! Woot!

2. Last Wednesday (Feb. 17), I had an interview with two representatives of the Marketing Department at the UMDNJ (local hospital) campus for potential volunteer work. The interview went quite well. I networked with my doctor and informed her about my interests in new media and marketing. Luckily, she knew someone in the marketing department and contacted her so that I can set an interview with her and her boss. I truly want to thank her for this opportunity. Networking comes a long way. The two interviewers said I would get a final answer by the end of this week. However, I have not received a phone call or email yet, so I will give them another couple of days until I write my own follow up email.

3. I am almost done with my Apple Store Leader Program application. This is a retail position. If I get the job, I will collaborating with other smart and passionate people, learning the proper leadership and training to run a Apple Retail Store in my local area!

I think this is a great opportunity for me to branch out and build my people skills and retail experience and get into a company like Apple Inc. I believe that I can make a difference in people's lives and with my strong drive to succeed and optimism, nothing can stop me. The deadline is March 15 and the interview and final decision-making process takes place in April. If you are interested in marketing and sales, click here for more information. This program is only for college seniors and recent college graduates though.

4. I may have an interview with the managing editor at next week and I am pretty excited. I just hope the interviewer reads my message and confirms a final interview time.

Within a two-week period, I have been quite busy, working my butt off to make things happen. For all you  unemployed and employed job seekers out there, how has your job search turned out within the past six months or so? Do you currently have a job, but in the process or looking for more productive work?

Picture of the Week: I am Back!

Posted by Lady Mel On Friday, February 26, 2010 0 comments

The Tweetbag Wars!

Posted by Lady Mel On Thursday, February 18, 2010 2 comments

*Sipping on pina colada from a martini glass*

Hey, everyone. Great news! My guest blog masterpiece is completed and you all can find it on Andhari blog now!! Read it, comment on it and follow her! She is amazing. I could not have done this without her. :) Here is how I developed the story. All this weekend, I wanted to write something crazy and unique. I knew that I wanted to write about Twitter, but I did not know how. So, as I was trying to sleep this past Monday morning with a bad tooth (I got my wisdom tooth pulled finally), flashes of epicness erupted in my mind. As much as I love Twitter, new media and celebrity gossip, I had to incorporate all those elements together to create this guest blog. It took me about 30 minutes or so to create the story in my head and about a hour to type it on the computer, word from word.

Now, I do not want to give out the plot of the story, but imagine Perez Hilton arguing with me on Twitter one random day. I hope you get the picture. This is probably my most creative endeavor yet. I want to thank all the people who have commented on my post on her blog and Andhari for responding to my post, and then allowing me to write whatever the hell I wanted to write about without censorship!

So please check out her blog and my post and tell me what you think! :) I am going to tweet the link to Perez Hilton himself. I hope he reads it! :) Salut! *Goes back to sipping on her pina colada and enjoying her blogging break*

My Sincere Apologies, A Day of Self-Awareness and Self-Love

Posted by Lady Mel On Sunday, February 14, 2010 3 comments

Dear Loyal Followers:

This is a Valentine's Day letter to you. I apologize, but I am going to take a two-week break. I am going to be busy with hard-core job searching and networking because I am still unemployed and I have to straighten out my life right now. Therefore, I am putting my Valentine's Day story on hold. I will finish it but not right now. I know this has never happened to me, but I have to.

However, that does not mean I will not be producing content. This week, I will guest blog on Andharsi's blog (fellow member) so I will post a link to the blog post very soon. She said I have total freedom with the writing and topic, so it will be highly entertaining to the eyes! But as of now, I just need a break. I will be back before the month is over.

I need to rearrange my life and also re-prioritize the way the future of my blog. This is a personal journey. For the past six months, I have shared my hopes and dreams with you guys. Now is time to get off my ass and really make them happen. For the past couple of days, I feel like my life is going nowhere and I need to act on it or I will feel out of place. It has been almost eight months since I graduated from Smith College and some progress has been made, but I think I could have done a better job. I hope you understand. Do not worry, when I come back, I will be better than ever. Thank you for all your love and support.



P.S- I will be on Twitter for most of my break. Find me at (@christbrown2009). Follow me if you want.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Posted by Lady Mel On 0 comments

Picture of the Week

Posted by Lady Mel On Friday, February 12, 2010 0 comments

I am an Uber Geek! Woot!
Geeks Unite!

Time: February 12, 2010 about 6:00pm EST
Place: In an exclusive hotel outside Bryant Park in Manhattan.

The dress is set. The makeup, the hair, the shoes, the image are all set. When Lady Mel walks down that red carpet into the hotel's grand ballroom, she knows that everyone will be staring at her flawless figure. The jealously in the other socialites' eyes bares the test of time. LadyMel gives Prue the next day off because of the snow and the slow commute to Jersey City.

LadyMel departs her Solo apartment into a black limousine. Twenty minutes later, the limousine door opens and out comes LadyMel in all her smoldering glory. Her curves ran for miles. Honestly, many of the male photographers and crewmen,even Perez Hilton himself gasped for air like they were reaching their sexual climax. (Kiss and tell). Oh, the spotlight is her bitch and she is LOVING it!

Mel talks to a couple of reporters, citing that the fabulous Rachel Zoe styled her in this lovely Alexander McQueen assembly. (R.I.P). Mind you it was all in velvet red with a black high-waisted belt to commemorate Valentine's Day. Plus, she had this dashing red hat customized by the famed and late fashion designer to make her stand out. This was her moment. This was the moment for the millions of people at stake in Port Au Prince. She had to work!

Mel heads inside the hotel, opens the front doors of the ballroom. All eyes are on. She walks like the confident woman that she is, only to be stop midway by her jealous arch-nemesis, Kim Kardashian. 

Kim Kardashian: (Smirk). Well, well look at what we have here. Aren't you the center of attention? (Lady Mel ignores her and takes her seat at her table.)

Kim Kardashian: (Runs from her table to Mel's and whispers in her left ear). Do not ignore me. Do you know who I am? You know why I am here right? I am here to win that date with Mr. Butler and there is nothing you can do.

LadyMel: (with a sarcastic tone and turns to Kim's direction): Aren't you engaged to Reggie Bush? You are just slum. Wanting a date with a man who reportedly ignored you shamelessly at a private function not that too long ago. I'll say keep the good man you already have and use your money on something that "benefits society". Wait, use your money to fix that grotesque weave piece you are sporting right now. Talk about 2005. (Smirks).

Kim Kardashian: (Cringes teeth). This is not over. (Walks to her table at the other side of the room).
Two hours have passed and the moment of the evening arrives. The host introduces Gerard Butler and the moment he wants in, all hell breaks up. Mel has never heard female screeching since her father took her to a Spice Girls concert in London when she was nine. Absolute chaos. The enticing Mr.Butler wears a Dolce & Gabbana suit and shoes. He enjoys the female gaze. It gets him arouse and reaffirms his "ladies man" reputation. His piecing blue eyes scansthe whole room of hormonal twenty to thirty something year old socialites, except one particular woman near the front. Lady Mel. Her eyes were not on him at all. She was staring at the clock, waiting for the event to be over with. This gesture fascinated him profoundly at first sight. Gerry sits in a chair next to the host and the podium.

Host: Good evening, everyone and welcome to the last event of tonight. I want to welcome everyone who took the time to contribute to this wonderful cause. As of tonight so far, we have raised over $15 million dollars (Everyone applauds). This gentleman to my left is an extraordinary man and has taken time from his busy schedule to "sell" himself for the greater good. Everyone has seen "300" and the "Ugly Truth" so I won't go into detail of his life. (One young lady faints, ushers take her out room). Before I will start the aunction, Mr. Butler would like a word with you.

Gerard Butler: (Smirking in his thick Scottish brogue). Hello ladies (Loud screaming from back of room.) One lucky woman can have all of this (turns around) on Valentine's Day, just keep that in mind. (More loud screaming, Mel shakes in her head in dismay, such a prick.). With the joking aside, I am more than humble to be here for the people of Haiti. Through resilience and struggle, they shine. Thank you. (Audience claps, Gerry sits back in chair.)

Host: Ok, lets go on with the show. I want all participants to be ready. (LadyMel and Kim glare at one another from opposite ends of the room). Let's start with $1,000.

Participant #1: (Waves sign).

Host: $1,000. Can I get $1,500.

Participant #2: (Waves sign).

Host: Can I get $2,000?

(Several minutes have passed..)

Host: Can I get $100,000?

Participant #20: (Waves sign).

Host: $100,000 to the woman in black. Going once, going twice..

Kim Kardashian: (Smirks at LadyMel and jumps up in her seat): One million dollars, sir!

Host: (Everyone in shock mode): $1,000,000. (Gerry's face in complete disgust). Going once....

LadyMel: (In a nonchalant matter). $1,250,000.

Host: (Everyone in more shock mode): $1,250,000. Oh, la, la. Going once, going twice....

Kim Kardashian: (Screams). $2,000,000! (Smirks at LadyMel).

Host: (Everyone in shock). $2,000,000! Wow. Going once, going twice....

LadyMel: (confidently).$10,000,000. My last bid of the night. (Gerry smiles in glee, Kim stares at Mel like she is about to kill her from across the room.)

Host: $10,000,000! Going once....Going twice..... Sold! To the woman in velvet red! (Everyone applauds all  around her!, Mel then walks on stage and gets on the podium.)

LadyMel: (confidently). I want to thank you everyone who in here tonight. This organization could not do it without you guys. The money that I have just contributed to the plight in Haiti will get to the hands of the Haitian people and I will be making sure of that. People within the Hollywood community need to continue with their efforts. If New York was mostly destroyed by a 5.6 magnitude earthquake, you would want people from across the world to help the victims of this natural disaster. Good night and good luck everyone! (Loud applause, people start leaving room.)

Random Person from Audience: Tap that ass before he hops to the next girl! (Everyone in room gasps.)

LadyMel: (confidently). I'm a classy lass. I have my dignity. (Everyone laughs) Good night everyone and make sure you have an umbrella at hand. It's raining terribly.

LadyMel: (Leaves podium, Mel walks down in Kim's direction and whispers in her ear). It's over. (Kim Kardashian then runs off in the direction of the main doors of the ballroom.)

(Gerry in complete awe of Mel, walks in Mel's direction in the most confidence I have ever seen.) This is going to get interesting....

The Douchebag Lifetime Achievement Award Goes To....

Posted by Lady Mel On Wednesday, February 10, 2010 1 comments

John Mayer 

For your racist and sexist comments in your recent Playboy Magazine interview. You have caused a Twitter uproar today. I know because I was on. Women out there, please do not ask him to be your Valentine's this year! I do not care if you prefer certain women over others. That is personal preference. But you explained that you are not attracted to black women because you have a "white supremacist dick" and your other twisted, douchebag ideas and that is disrespectful to all women, including women of color. I was never a fan before this incident and I won't be after the fact. You are the epitome of a shallow man. You let the truth set you free, so there was no need to get your publicist to post a public apology on your Twitter account.

What do you think, my readers? Or am I going overboard? Comment below. All are welcome. 

What Happens on Valentine's Day, Just Happens!

Posted by Lady Mel On Tuesday, February 9, 2010 0 comments

Time: February 9th, 2010
Place: LadyMel's stellar Soho apartment in NYC, around 3:00pm EST.

LadyMel is getting ready for the Valentine's Day's "Love For Haiti" charity benefit in Upper Manhattan tomorrow night. She and Prue, her long-time personal assistant/personal shopper, are frantically searching for the perfect outfit. Why you want ask? It's only a charity benefit right? Well, first of all a screw of media journalists and NY socialites will be there at the event so she has to look beyond presentable.

Secondly, all the proceeds from the food to the individual donations will be donated to several non-profit organizations including Save the Children and the American Red Cross that are at the front lies feeding and healing the victims of the January 12th Haiti earthquake, so first impressions must be perfect. Thirdly well, the Scottish heartthrob, Gerard Butler will be "auction" off to a potential young lady. That is all the NY socialites are there in the first place. The person with the highest bid will win a Valentine's Day date with the most wanted man in Hollywood. You know LadyMel must be on her A game because it's Gerard Butler!

LadyMel: (Mouth wide open, opens her closet doors in an overly dramatic way): Where is my life? I cannot find anything to wear for this banquet! Everyone is going to be there. Who is This "Mr. Butler"? He seems soooo..... whats the word? Bland, shall we say?  (Smirks then throws tons of expensive clothes to the ground.)

Prue: (with a Ipad in her hand, searches the Internet for the perfect dress) Mel, were you born yesterday?! He is the it-guy in Hollywood right now. I've seen all his movies. He's quite the ladies man but he has a heart of gold! He has grown, married women at his feet. I've been in his presence once and let me tell you, it was like my body was being controlled by his eyes. It's the eyes! He made me do things I would not even tell you. (Blushes)

LadyMel: (Stares at Prue quite playfully): Prue, you just went to one of his movie premieres and he signed your autograph T-shirt. Stop with the over-dramatic hyperboles. He's an average actor with good looks. He's quite talented as I have seen on the big screen, but he is not my cup of tea. (Continues to look in closet).

Prue: (Smirks): You just have not been out with a good man lately. Remember Robert? Paul? Kevinnnn?

LadyMel: (Talking to Prue as she reaches for a pair of Jimmy Cho shoes at the top of closet): All assholes. All Ivy-League, pompous assholes. And I hear Mr. Butler is a manwhore so I won't even bother.  Plus, I do not need a man or anyone of that nature in this point in my life. I have a future. I am financially independent. I'm driven and assertive. The world is not ready for this honey.

Prue: You are absolutely right. (Looks at Ipad.) Mel, you remember that Christian Dior store that just opened near Central Park?

LadyMel: Yea.

Prue: Well, if you are look this, we may have to take a little tour there. (LadyMel jumps down and looks at Ipad, eyes open wide with excitement).

LadyMel: I adore the dress. You know how much I love Christian Dior couture. But I want something that has a little more va va vom. You know how I feel when I see two or more celebrities with the same dress on, walking down the red carpet! I blame the stylist really. Is there anyway you could get Christian Dior to customize the dress for me?

Prue: Uhm, do you think Christian Dior has enough time to customize it considering that he will arrive to NYC from Paris this evening in preparation for New York Fashion Week. He is a very busy man. We only have three days until the big day too. We have to be realistic here.

LadyMel: (smiles confidently). I think you are right. That is why your are my ears and conscious when I need it. I know who to call when I have a fashion emergency. (Starts picking up the clothes from floor).  Call Rachel Zoe and tell her I need her badly. She owes me. Tell her I want to see her tomorrow morning.

Prue: Of course. What will you do with the dress after the banquet?

LadyMel: Auction it off online to help the Haitian victims. I know friends who are down there risking their own lives to save those people and I will do anything in my power to make the world a better place. That is why I am going to be the most stylish lady there and win that date with Gerard Butler.

Prue (Sarcastically):  I sure your intentions are clear.

LadyMel: I am doing this for the love of business and philanthropy. Nothing else.

Prue: (Smirks wildly). Says the biggest flirt on the planet.

LadyMel: Ok, I'm the biggest flirt, but can I have a serious side? This is my serious face. (Shows her serious face, Prue giggles.)

Prue: (Smirks). Whatever you say. Let me head down to your office and I'll call Rachel. She works wonders.

LadyMel: Most certainly. I'll follow. (Both ladies leave room).

Lady Gaga, if you are out there, this one is for you!

(Piano starts playing)
When love is nonexistent
In one's own life
Does it need to be that way
Do we have to sacrifice?
With all the rom cons
And all the romantic novels
Why is love set this way?
Should love speak beyond volumes?

To all my famed monsters out there
Do not fear!
Forget Valentine's Day
Forgot this holiday!
My unbroken will is here!

I can live without love
I can live without love
But I cannot live without my fame monsters!
All I have is self-love
Not in the most obvious way
But self-love, self-love (Piano slows down)
For all of you.

(Piano stops playing for a second, then continues)
When love is nonexistent
In one's own life
Does it need to be that way
Do we have to sacrifice? 
With all the rom coms, dating,
Excuses and mistakes
Why is love set this way?
Should love speak beyond volumes?

All I want for Valentine's Day
Is nothing.
All I want for Valentine's Day 
Is me.
To see beyond the lines of faith
And crave out my own path
Before it is too late..
To all my fame monsters in the world, (Piano slows down, bit of silence
To all the fame monsters in this very room!
I want to thank youuuuuu.

Oops, Did I Say That: Valentine's Day Edition

Posted by Lady Mel On Sunday, February 7, 2010 0 comments

The all so fabulous Lady Mel ventured out on Twitter, asking some of her male celebrity admirers what their plans were this Valentine's Day. Luckily, all the responses were under 140 characters or less, I guess. What she received was a little bit out of the ordinary...

I'm going to say sweet nothings into my personal Ipad's ear and then we are going to make sweet Apple love under the sheets. By morning, my Ipad will be inside my "vanilla envelope" if you get what I mean. (No I don't.)

My wife Suzi and I will be on a romantic cruise on the mystical oceans of Pandora.While we sit inside our private suite, I will have two Na'vi musicians play the violin and cello as I read her a poem all in Na'vi. Does not get any better than that. (No, you are just a geek!) 

Bee and I are private people so we won't tell you our plans. What we will say is that Niche is our next destination. Then I will hang out with a good friend of me. (*cough Rihanna cough*)

I am going to indulge in all the splendid Valentine's Day sweets and chocolates, then I am going to pop my pills and have a good time celebrating self-love. (No comment...)

Picture of the Week

Posted by Lady Mel On Friday, February 5, 2010 0 comments

This is my life right now.
I'm constantly dipping my foot in the cynicism
Only to rise like the phoenix 
And continue on my optimistic path to freedom and recognition.

The social commentary continues! Jackfilms presents "The Magical Ipad", a commercial parody that is so full of win. I still on my mini break, but I tweeted on Twitter about the video last night so I had to share it with you guys. It makes fun of the Apple brand, Steve Jobs, and the mixed bag we call the "Ipad". Say this isn't all true?! Watch it below.

Blog Update: Just in Time for the Love

Posted by Lady Mel On Thursday, February 4, 2010 0 comments

Hi everyone. This week, I have taken a mini break from blogging to pursue more job searching online and in person. As you may not know, I did not get the Wired News internship, the interview itself was a learning experience nonetheless. As I mentioned in my Declaration of Independence post, I have to find a job as soon as possible. I want the feeling of being financially independent and responsible for my own life. It's maddening when I cannot. I may have a career venture in the horizon from some personal connections of mine so wish me good luck!

Also, I am producing new and fresh content for next week. Starting this Sunday Saturday, I will start my "Valentine's Day" content week with fresh "love" stories, funny posts, and outrageous storytelling. If you read the content that I had produced during Halloween, you will know that I am up to no good! So sit back and relax and watch this woman at work. *Whistle while you work!*

Happy Groundhog Day!

Posted by Lady Mel On Tuesday, February 2, 2010 0 comments

Six More Weeks of Uber Awesomeness Awaits Us!

2010 Grammy Awards Review: I Wish Kanye West Was Here.

Posted by Lady Mel On Monday, February 1, 2010 2 comments

ZZZZZZ. That is all I can say. ZZZZZZZ. I was expecting many vibrant performances and all I got was ZZZZZZZZ. I might not watch another Grammy awards shows as long as I am alive. Here are the highlights of the show that people will continue to gossip about until there is something left to gossip about:

1. It was boring as hell. After reading this post, you will know why.

2. I want to congratulate Beyonce for winning six awards this year including Song of the Year for "Single Ladies". She has won the most awards for any female artist in one night. I think she even brought her own record. But her Rhythmn Nation-esque, Alanis Morissette singing performance was a nuisance. I was expecting her to perform "Radio" or "Diva", but it did not happen. I think when you are expecting beyond an artist's potential, it irritates the hell of you and I think that is what happened. You expect artists to be artists and you get processed meat instead.

3. Ok, there was one vibrant, flawless performance and it was the opening act. Lady Gaga, I know you are out and I want to saw is that you and Elton John executed an energetic and awesome duet. This is what live performances should be. I predicted this in my Grammy previous blog post. I love your glittery sequence. The "Your Song" remix was pretty awesome. For someone who was subbed the Record of the Year and Album of the Year when you clearly deserved it, your talents shines brighter than any Grammy trophy. I do not want your creativity and fashion flare to go to waste. I hope you keep making more music. Forget the Grammys. Wait, Screw the Grammys! Congratulations on your two Grammys tonight. Although, you have changed the gender landscape within the music industry, this business is not ready for you just yet.

4. Taylor Swift did not win the most awards this evening as I predicted, but she won the biggest award; Album of the Year. I am still stocked that this "girl next door" American Idol winner won Album of the Year, although Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and the Black Eyed Peas deserved it more. When she was accepting the award, I was hoping Kanye West was going to come on stage and pull another VMAs incident on your ass. (oops! hehe). How can you win the night's biggest award when you were singing off-key alongside Stevie Nicks!? Beyonce did a lousy performance but she can sing! Come on, Academy. What were you thinking?

5. Cut the country music now. I do not want to hear Lady Antebellum,  Taylor Swift, or the Dave Matthews Band. I heard more country music than any other genre of music this evening. WTF? Tone it down for next year.

6. The Michael Jackson Tribute was pretty good. I liked that his two oldest children came out and accepted his Life Achievement Award. But I was expected more! I wanted a dancing tribute. I have already seen footage of the late MJ's "Earth song" on his This Is It documentary in theaters and on DVD. For once, I wanted to see Chris Brown dance his ass off for the late King of Pop and you know I do not like Chris Brown. It was a nice tribute overall, but I was expecting more because this is MJ we are talking about! Secondly, the 3D effect was a complete failure.

7. Stephen Colbert's Ipad joke/diss to Jay-Z was hilarious. Love you Colbert! <3

8. Overall, if I had to give the Grammy Awards a rating being five stars the best and no stars as the worst, it would be a 1.5. And that is because I enjoyed Lady Gaga and Elton John's performance the most. I now think that the VMAs is better than the Grammys. I just hope the Oscars can cure the pain and disappointment I have towards award shows in general.

This is my first part of my Grammy review. I'll talk about the night's festivities on my next blog post. God, the most of the fashion was horrible and plain, yet I was shown the light in some unexpected places. Check out who I thought were the best dressed at the 52th Annual Grammy Awards.

(Lady Gaga in Armani, Leah Michele in Romona Reveza, Jennifer Hudson in Victoria Beckham, Keri Hilson in Dolce and Gabbana, Taylor Swift in Kaufman Franco, Pink in Tony Ward)