Time: February 12, 2010 about 6:00pm EST
Place: In an exclusive hotel outside Bryant Park in Manhattan.
The dress is set. The makeup, the hair, the shoes, the image are all set. When Lady Mel walks down that red carpet into the hotel's grand ballroom, she knows that everyone will be staring at her flawless figure. The jealously in the other socialites' eyes bares the test of time. LadyMel gives Prue the next day off because of the snow and the slow commute to Jersey City.
LadyMel departs her Solo apartment into a black limousine. Twenty minutes later, the limousine door opens and out comes LadyMel in all her smoldering glory. Her curves ran for miles. Honestly, many of the male photographers and crewmen,even Perez Hilton himself gasped for air like they were reaching their sexual climax. (Kiss and tell). Oh, the spotlight is her bitch and she is LOVING it!
Mel talks to a couple of reporters, citing that the fabulous Rachel Zoe styled her in this lovely Alexander McQueen assembly. (R.I.P). Mind you it was all in velvet red with a black high-waisted belt to commemorate Valentine's Day. Plus, she had this dashing red hat customized by the famed and late fashion designer to make her stand out. This was her moment. This was the moment for the millions of people at stake in Port Au Prince. She had to work!
Gerard Butler: (Smirking in his thick Scottish brogue). Hello ladies (Loud screaming from back of room.) One lucky woman can have all of this (turns around) on Valentine's Day, just keep that in mind. (More loud screaming, Mel shakes in her head in dismay, such a prick.). With the joking aside, I am more than humble to be here for the people of Haiti. Through resilience and struggle, they shine. Thank you. (Audience claps, Gerry sits back in chair.)
Host: Ok, lets go on with the show. I want all participants to be ready. (LadyMel and Kim glare at one another from opposite ends of the room). Let's start with $1,000.
(Several minutes have passed..)
Host: Can I get $100,000?
Participant #20: (Waves sign).
Host: $100,000 to the woman in black. Going once, going twice..
Kim Kardashian: (Smirks at LadyMel and jumps up in her seat): One million dollars, sir!
Host: (Everyone in shock mode): $1,000,000. (Gerry's face in complete disgust). Going once....
LadyMel: (In a nonchalant matter). $1,250,000.
Host: (Everyone in more shock mode): $1,250,000. Oh, la, la. Going once, going twice....
Kim Kardashian: (Screams). $2,000,000! (Smirks at LadyMel).
Host: (Everyone in shock). $2,000,000! Wow. Going once, going twice....
LadyMel: (confidently).$10,000,000. My last bid of the night. (Gerry smiles in glee, Kim stares at Mel like she is about to kill her from across the room.)
Host: $10,000,000! Going once....Going twice..... Sold! To the woman in velvet red! (Everyone applauds all around her!, Mel then walks on stage and gets on the podium.)
LadyMel: (confidently). I want to thank you everyone who in here tonight. This organization could not do it without you guys. The money that I have just contributed to the plight in Haiti will get to the hands of the Haitian people and I will be making sure of that. People within the Hollywood community need to continue with their efforts. If New York was mostly destroyed by a 5.6 magnitude earthquake, you would want people from across the world to help the victims of this natural disaster. Good night and good luck everyone! (Loud applause, people start leaving room.)
Random Person from Audience: Tap that ass before he hops to the next girl! (Everyone in room gasps.)
LadyMel: (confidently). I'm a classy lass. I have my dignity. (Everyone laughs) Good night everyone and make sure you have an umbrella at hand. It's raining terribly.
LadyMel: (Leaves podium, Mel walks down in Kim's direction and whispers in her ear). It's over. (Kim Kardashian then runs off in the direction of the main doors of the ballroom.)
(Gerry in complete awe of Mel, walks in Mel's direction in the most confidence I have ever seen.) This is going to get interesting....