What disappointed me this year is the lack of creative Superbowl commercials. Many advertising firms and companies lack the creative input to market their brands to new consumers efficiently. Screw the stereotypical gender and sex jokes. You professionals are not fifteen years old anymore. Why would I want to use Groupon or BigDaddy.com as online services when their commercials pretty much sucked? Do you want to know what was my least favorite Superbowl XLV commercial? Hint: It was not the Best Buy/Justin Bieber one.
Sketchers
Plus I love watching little kids play dress up. I do that all the time (in my own special way) and it was funny to see how the little girl embodied Darth Vador's character throughout the whole commercial, especially the part where she thinks her imaginary telekinetic powers activated the Volkawagen when it was actually her father in the kitchen. I also like that Volkswagen played around with gender ambiguity. I thought it was a little boy at first, but you only see the stereotypical pink room in the house so I would presume its a little girl. If it is not, then it's fine. Little girls can still be Darth Vador when they grow up!
Chrysler probably still outsources their labor in places like Mexico and India, but it offers the American people a U.S product and the choice to buy the car to help stimulate the economy and the pockets of American workers who work at the Chrysler plants to make the cars. I think after writing that last sentence, I do not know if I should hate the company for potentially outsourcing millions of American jobs overseas, but nowadays most U.S companies do it. You just have to adapt to the times. What were your favorite and least favorite Superbowl ads this year?
I have had enough of your fucking (5/17/10) name! Every single week, you are all what screaming, teenage girls talked about online. I have had enough and I am coming out of the woodwork. I will not be silent anymore! Here are the top ten reasons why I hate you, Justin Bieber:
1. You trend Twitter like it's no one business. You are ruining the authenticity and culture that is the Twitter brand. What does a teenage girl's misguided mind reveal? The Apocalypse!
It goes something like this: "Look, I tweet in 140 characters or less about Justin Bieber all day long instead of discussing about more important issues such as national security, illegal immigration, and health care reform. I will use my power to put Justin Bieber on the top of the trending topics list every fucking week!" *Prays in front of her Justin Bieber shrine before running off to watch Twilight*.
2. Your stardom puts you in the company of other talentless, overrated child stars such as the Jonas Brothers, Lindsay Lohan, and Miley Cyrus. Speaking of Miley, I saw your lame new video.
3. Every mobile-texting, teenage girl tweets about you, but the rest of us are still wondering why in the hell you are famous in the first place.
4. Three-year-old toddlers kiss the ground you walk on when they should be playing with Legos instead.
5. My own mother gushes like a high-school virgin every time I mention your name.
8. You make the fangirls of the 90s boy band era, including myself, look like bunch of 60s hippies compared to your bra-throwing teenage groupie fans. They even make us feminists look bad. At least, the Backstreet Boys were talented!
9. You performed at the 2010 White House Easter Egg Roll with Glee.... Glee and Justin Bieber should not be in the same sentence. The reason that President Obama invited you makes me wonder if the world is really in peril.
10. Your name is my death sentence.
So there you have it. My ten reasons for hating your popularity Mr. Bieber. Now run along before I go madly insane. What is with the flipping of the hair? Afraid I will go and shave it all bald? Muhahahaahha! Give me your reasons why you love and hate Justin Bieber. Post them in the comment box below. I want to be mildly entertained.
Time: February 12, 2010 about 6:00pm EST
Place: In an exclusive hotel outside Bryant Park in Manhattan.
The dress is set. The makeup, the hair, the shoes, the image are all set. When Lady Mel walks down that red carpet into the hotel's grand ballroom, she knows that everyone will be staring at her flawless figure. The jealously in the other socialites' eyes bares the test of time. LadyMel gives Prue the next day off because of the snow and the slow commute to Jersey City.
LadyMel departs her Solo apartment into a black limousine. Twenty minutes later, the limousine door opens and out comes LadyMel in all her smoldering glory. Her curves ran for miles. Honestly, many of the male photographers and crewmen,even Perez Hilton himself gasped for air like they were reaching their sexual climax. (Kiss and tell). Oh, the spotlight is her bitch and she is LOVING it!
Mel talks to a couple of reporters, citing that the fabulous Rachel Zoe styled her in this lovely Alexander McQueen assembly. (R.I.P). Mind you it was all in velvet red with a black high-waisted belt to commemorate Valentine's Day. Plus, she had this dashing red hat customized by the famed and late fashion designer to make her stand out. This was her moment. This was the moment for the millions of people at stake in Port Au Prince. She had to work!
Gerard Butler: (Smirking in his thick Scottish brogue). Hello ladies (Loud screaming from back of room.) One lucky woman can have all of this (turns around) on Valentine's Day, just keep that in mind. (More loud screaming, Mel shakes in her head in dismay, such a prick.). With the joking aside, I am more than humble to be here for the people of Haiti. Through resilience and struggle, they shine. Thank you. (Audience claps, Gerry sits back in chair.)
Host: Ok, lets go on with the show. I want all participants to be ready. (LadyMel and Kim glare at one another from opposite ends of the room). Let's start with $1,000.
(Several minutes have passed..)
Host: Can I get $100,000?
Participant #20: (Waves sign).
Host: $100,000 to the woman in black. Going once, going twice..
Kim Kardashian: (Smirks at LadyMel and jumps up in her seat): One million dollars, sir!
Host: (Everyone in shock mode): $1,000,000. (Gerry's face in complete disgust). Going once....
LadyMel: (In a nonchalant matter). $1,250,000.
Host: (Everyone in more shock mode): $1,250,000. Oh, la, la. Going once, going twice....
Kim Kardashian: (Screams). $2,000,000! (Smirks at LadyMel).
Host: (Everyone in shock). $2,000,000! Wow. Going once, going twice....
LadyMel: (confidently).$10,000,000. My last bid of the night. (Gerry smiles in glee, Kim stares at Mel like she is about to kill her from across the room.)
Host: $10,000,000! Going once....Going twice..... Sold! To the woman in velvet red! (Everyone applauds all around her!, Mel then walks on stage and gets on the podium.)
LadyMel: (confidently). I want to thank you everyone who in here tonight. This organization could not do it without you guys. The money that I have just contributed to the plight in Haiti will get to the hands of the Haitian people and I will be making sure of that. People within the Hollywood community need to continue with their efforts. If New York was mostly destroyed by a 5.6 magnitude earthquake, you would want people from across the world to help the victims of this natural disaster. Good night and good luck everyone! (Loud applause, people start leaving room.)
Random Person from Audience: Tap that ass before he hops to the next girl! (Everyone in room gasps.)
LadyMel: (confidently). I'm a classy lass. I have my dignity. (Everyone laughs) Good night everyone and make sure you have an umbrella at hand. It's raining terribly.
LadyMel: (Leaves podium, Mel walks down in Kim's direction and whispers in her ear). It's over. (Kim Kardashian then runs off in the direction of the main doors of the ballroom.)
(Gerry in complete awe of Mel, walks in Mel's direction in the most confidence I have ever seen.) This is going to get interesting....
